I must have been the most hysterical in this one. In the ones in the past, when I'm about to get married and something is not right, I just calmly walk out into the audience and tell them to scrap it and go home and await a future invitation when everything is right. In this one, the wedding had already happened, I couldn't remember it, and it was during the reception.
So it's during the reception and I realize I can't remember if I performed or not during the ceremony like I'm supposed to. I start to freak out and I leave to see if I can go find the wedding coordinator. I can't find her, and I'm upset and freaking out. My guests start to freak out because I've left, and some of them leave. I start to ask my guests if I performed during the ceremony and no one will tell me. I try to find my mom to see if she will tell me, and she won't tell me either. I'm crying hysterically freaking out that I didn't perform during the ceremony. I tell everyone to get in the positions they would be for the start of the ceremony so we can do it again so I can perform, so what's left of the guests get in starting positions.
As I start to walk down the aisle, they're playing regular music, not what I'm supposed to be performing to, so exasperated, I tell them all to forget it.
Trying to salvage the wedding, my mom and aunts arrange for me to do the bouquet toss, and there's several girls who I don't know line up right under a very low awning (the wedding somehow got transferred to taking place at a church...). I'm worried that the bouquet is going to hit the awning. I do several fake out tosses, then throw my hand back and someone just takes it out of my hand before it can be thrown. I was very not happy.
Waking up, I felt very exhausted and panicked. Up until this moment, I had 100% confidence that I would have no trouble performing at my wedding. When performing on stage, I normally get some nervous excitement, but not since I was 14 and first starting out have I struggled with being worried that I can't perform when I go onstage. Even at 14, I still said my lines, although not in character and with a big, excited smile on my face that "I'm actually onstage!" I've always performed correctly, and now, I'm suddenly scared that I might not--what if I forget or flub the lines? What if I freak out? What if I can't even remember the ceremony and no one will tell me if I actually performed or not?
As you can see, it has been a traumatizing night.
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